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第51部分(第2页)

〃Under circumstances of extreme terror; people make decisions poorly。〃

Yet Norman wasnt afraid。 Far from it。 He was confident and strong。 He had a plan; he was carrying it out。 Why should he even think of that report? At the time; hed agonized over it; thinking of each sentence。 。。。 Why was it ing to mind now? It troubled him。

〃Your attention; please。 Sixteen minutes and counting。〃 Norman scanned the gauges before him。 He was at nine hundred feet; rising swiftly。 There was no turning back now。 Why should he even think of turning back?

Why should it enter his mind?

As he rose silently through black water; he increasingly felt a kind of split inside himself; an almost schizophrenic internal division。 Something was wrong; he sensed。 There was something he hadnt considered yet。

But what could he have overlooked? Nothing; he decided; because; unlike Beth and Harry; I am fully conscious; I am aware of everything that is happening inside me。

Except Norman didnt really believe that。 plete awareness might be a philosophical goal; but it was not really attainable。 Consciousness was like a pebble that rippled the surface of the unconscious。 As consciousness widened; there was still more unconsciousness beyond。 There was always more; just beyond reach。 Even for a humanistic psychologist。

Stein; his old professor: 〃You always have your shadow。〃

What was Normans shadow side doing now? What was happening in the unconscious; denied parts of his own brain? Nothing。 Keep going up。

He shifted uneasily in the pilots chair。 He wanted to go to the surface so badly; he felt such conviction。 。。。

''347'' I hate Beth。 I hate Harry。 I hate worrying about these people; caring for them。 I dont want to care any more。 Its not my responsibility。 I want to save myself。 I hate them。 I hate them。

He was shocked。 Shocked by his own thoughts; the vehemence of them。

I must go back; he thought。 If I go back I will die。

But some other part of himself was growing stronger with each moment。 What Beth had said was true: Norman had been the one who kept saying that they had to stay together; to work together。 How could he abandon them now? He couldnt。 It was against everything he believed in; everything that was important and human。

He had to go back。

I am afraid to go back。

At last; he thought。 There it is。 Fear so strong he had denied its existence; fear that had caused him to rationalize abandoning the others。

He pressed the controls; halting his ascent。 As he started back down; he saw that his hands were shaking。

0130 HOURS

The sub came to rest gently on the bottom beside the habitat。 Norman stepped into the submarine airlock; flooded the chamber。 Moments later; he climbed down the side and walked toward the habitat。 The Tevac explosives cones with their blinking red lights looked oddly festive。

〃Your attention; please。 Fourteen minutes and counting。〃 He estimated the time he would need。 One minute to get inside。 Five; maybe six minutes to dress Beth and Harry in ''348'' the suits。 Another four minutes to reach the sub and get them aboard。 Two or three minutes to make the ascent。

It was going to be close。 He moved beneath the big support pylons; under the habitat。

〃So you came back; Norman;〃 Beth said; over the inter。

〃Yes; Beth。〃

〃Thank God;〃 she said。 She started to cry。 He was beneath A Cyl; hearing her sobs over the inter。 He found the hatch cover; spun the wheel to open it。 It was locked shut。

〃Beth; open the hatch。〃

She was crying over the inter。 She didnt answer him。

〃Beth; can you hear me? Open the hatch。〃

Crying like a child; sobbing hysterically。 〃Norman;〃 she said。 〃Please help me。 Please。〃

〃Im trying to help you; Beth。 Open the hatch。〃

〃I cant。〃

〃What do you mean; you cant?〃

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