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fe had he confronted patients who refused to acknowledge what was happening in their lives? Even trivial ''317'' examples…a man; another professor at the university; who was terrified of elevators but who steadfastly insisted he always took the stairs because it was good exercise。 The man would climb fifteen…story buildings; he would decline appointments in taller buildings; he arranged his entire life to acmodate a problem he would not admit he had。 The problem remained concealed from him until he finally had a heart attack。 Or the woman who was exhausted from years of caring for her disturbed daughter; she gave her daughter a bottle of sleeping pills because she said the girl needed a rest; the girl mitted suicide。 Or the novice sailor who cheerfully packed his family off on a sailing excursion to Catalina in a gale; nearly killing them all。
Dozens of examples came to mind。 It was a psychological truism; this blindness about self。 Did he imagine that he was immune? Three years ago; there had been a minor scandal when one of the assistant professors in the Psychology Department had mitted suicide; sticking a gun in his mouth over the Labor Day weekend。 There had been headlines for that one: 〃PSYCH PROF KILLS SELF; Colleagues Express Surprise; Say Deceased Was Always Happy。 〃
The dean of the faculty; embarrassed in his fund…raising; had berated Norman about that incident; but the difficult truth was that psychology had severe limitations。 Even with professional knowledge and the best of intentions; there remained an enormous amount you never knew about your closest friends; your colleagues; your wives and husbands and children。
And your ignorance about yourself was even greater than that。 Self…awareness was the most difficult of all。 Few people attained it。 Or perhaps nobody attained it。
〃Norman; are you there?〃
〃Yes; Beth。〃
〃I think you are a good person; Norman。〃
He said nothing。 He just watched her on the monitor。
〃I think you have integrity; and that you believe in telling the truth。 This is a difficult moment for you; to face the reality about yourself。 I know your mind is struggling now to find excuses; to blame someone else。 But I think you can ''318'' do it; Norman。 Harry couldnt do it; but you can。 I think you can admit the hard truth…that so long as you remain conscious; the expedition is menaced。〃
He felt the strength of her conviction; heard the quiet force of her voice。 As Beth spoke; it felt almost as if her ideas were clothing being draped over his body。 He began to see things her way。 She was so calm; she must be right。 Her ideas had such power。 Her thoughts had such power。 。。。
〃Beth; have you been in the sphere?〃
〃No; Norman。 Thats your mind; trying to evade the point again。 I havent been in the sphere。 You have。〃
He honestly couldnt remember going into the sphere。 He had no recollection at all。 And when Harry had been in the sphere; he remembered afterward。 Why would Norman forget? Why would he block it?
〃Youre a psychologist; Norman;〃 she was saying。 〃You; of all people; do not want to admit you have a shadow side。 You have a professional stake in believing in your own mental health。 Of course you will deny it。〃
He didnt think so。 But how to resolve it? How to determine if she was right or not? His mind wasnt working well。 His cut knee throbbed painfully。 At least there was no doubt about that…his injured knee was real。
Reality testing。
That was how to resolve it; he thought。 Reality testing。 What was the objective evidence that Norman had gone to the sphere? They had made tapes of everything that occurred in the habitat。 If Norman had gone to the sphere many hours ago; somewhere there was a tape showing him in the airlock; alone; getting dressed; slipping away。 Beth should be able to show him that tape。 Where was that tape?
In the submarine; of course。
It would long ago have been taken to the submarine。 Norman himself might have taken it; when he made his excursion to the sub。
No objective evidence。
〃Norman; give up。 Please。 For all our sakes。〃
Perhaps she was right; he thought。 She was so sure of herself。 If he was evading the truth; if he was putting the ''319'' expedition in jeopardy; then he had to give himself up and let her put him under。 Could he trust her to do that? He would have to。 There wasnt any choice。
It must be me; he thought。 It must be。 The thought was so horrible to him…that in itself was suspicious。 He was resisting it so violently…not a good sign; he thought。 Too much resistance。
〃Norman?〃
〃Okay; Beth。〃
〃Will you do it?〃
〃Dont push。 Give me a minute; will you?〃
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